Um, Hey, Yeah, Ugh, But, No, I Mean, I, Oh

Dystopian thoughts and good reads

Photo by Melani Sosa on Unsplash

If you read even just a little bit of this, please heart me! It helps so much! Also restacks are the best and restacks with notes are the best of all! Love you!

Part of being a writing professor and a Writing Boss (TM), is getting people to write when they don’t want to, feel they have nothing to say, are blocked, mad, sad, stuck, over it, disgusted, disengaged, and yes, sometimes even very into writing, but don’t love the product, and want it to be better, different, smarter, more literary, more authentic, more academic, I could go on and on with the adjectives.

The way we tell ourselves our writing is not enough of x is legion.

I’m that snarky writer and teacher who says she doesn’t believe in Writer’s Block. Fun fact, my computer has a virus that only allows me to use the Yahoo search engine and wow is that weird. So I Yahooed “Writers on Writers Block” and got some gems. Here’s one from Jennifer Egan, which fits with my ethos, “I haven’t had writer’s block. I think it’s because my process involves writing very badly.”

Lately I do have some kind of block or lack of will or just what’s the point we’re in a coup with the worst assholes in any given room you could imagine—Neo-Nazis, rapists, alcoholics, all of the yucky white men and their trad wives, and the religious zealots I’ve always loathed for being so smug throughout my childhood and still now. So when I think about writing, I feel nothing but, “Ugh, I mean, oh, I don’t, but, hey, what?” I’m surprised I’ve written these four paragraphs.

Right now the country reminds me of the time I got egged in the face at a night time pep rally in ninth grade when I was trying to go to the popular events and be “regular.” The egg came hurtling through the air like a tiny football, thrown probably by a giant football player and hit mullet permed ninth grade Carley in the face, and for 30 seconds I couldn’t figure out what had happened. It was slimy, smelly, and some of it cut me.

An egg! I literally had egg on my face. Nerd that I am and was, I understood the egg on my face as a message that I had made a mistake in coming to the night rally, and I was mortified. I did not belong in the country of popular high school kids, football players and cheerleaders, and the egg was proof. Also, people who throw shit at crowds are assholes.

Years of therapy have reminded me to remember that right now in this moment, I’m okay. Scared, pissed off, and slightly non-verbal at times, but fine. As a university professor, I feel under attack, but nothing has happened to me so far. I am in most ways besides the point.

Mostly today I thought I’d post about some things I’ve read and thought you might find interesting.

My best friend

Amy Shearn

‘s new novel Animal Instinct is out today!!! Wooot!!! Yippppeee!!! Hellssss yesssss!!!! I was lucky enough to get to read this novel in its earlier forms and I reread it this weekend and girl does it slap! It’s a hot post-divorce, pandemic romp through the dating apps in search of the perfect person, and what we’ll do to make that person exist. Also A.I. is in it being kinda helpful and I like that for A.I.

Lawyers from Columbia Law School Respond to Trump Administration Letter. Not sure where we’d be right now (not that we’re in a great place at all) if it weren’t for lawyers and judges. Here’s to hoping Amy Coney Barrett is not just making faces at Trump because he’s stinky.

Both of my New York Senators pissed me off this week, ignored my calls, and did the absolute wrong thing. When 47 praises you, you have definitely shit the bed (as my dad likes to say).

I love this essay by Torrey Peters, published by Writing Co-Lab for their 100 Days of Creative Resistance. It’s about how important it is right now for trans and queer writers to get their work into the hands of their readers, among other really smart reminders. There are lots of great writers thinking about creative resistance for Writing Co-Lab right now.

Brown and Yale warn international students not to travel out of the country during spring break. I talked to my students about this today and gosh is it horrible moment in America, which has had lots of horrible moments already.

This isn’t the first time the U.S. Government has tried to deport Palestinian activists. I found this New Yorker article by Henry Cole to be really interesting and it also reminded me of how COINTELPRO worked to destroy and undermine activist groups and their leaders for years. I’m thinking about Fred Hampton and Jean Seberg to name just two.

Have you met my favorite internet cat, Henry? I love him. He wears the most amazing sweaters and hoodies and gives solid self-love advice along with bizarre book reviews.

Lastly, I’m doing stand up again on March 28th and 29th. I’m actually getting kinda good at it, which is why I’m inviting people. There are tickets, and the space (Delight Factory which is basically my second home) is great! We’re all usually pretty funny and there are drinks and snacks and who doesn’t need to laugh right now. If you need help with a ticket let me know.

Omg, I’m so tired. I gotta go make dinner.

Enjoy the typos!

xoxo

Carley