These are the books I’ve written. People mostly love them very much. I think you should buy them right now becaue they make great gifts and the covers are all really beautiful. In Panpocalypse there’s a time portal back to gay Paris and the portal is opened by way of an orgasm! The Not Wives is dirty romp through Occupy Wall Street and divorce and real estate porn! In 16 Pills you can learn about how to end a marraige without making a huge mess, co-parenting, dealing with a difficult childhood, and how to get rid of lice.
Don’t forget to smash that heart button at the bottom there (you can do it even before you finish reading) so I can get a tiny hit of dopamine.
Here is my very incomplete list of what is making me mad and happy right now.
Mad
Genocide in Gaza (or anywhere) is a big nope for me. We had an all too brief ceasefire and like many of us, I’d hoped it would continue. I am despondent, enraged, frustrated, beside myself, sad, and sick about it. I look at the news every few hours or so and feel all of those feelings again. My feelings don’t matter, but what I’m sure of, is that this war will solve none of the problems it claims it can solve. Have we learned nothing about the futility of trying to hunt down terrorists until there are not any left? Come on. How stupid is this?
The rise in anti-semitism and Islamphobia is terrifying and is only inflamed by social media. MAD.
MAD. The pressure so many of us feel to be silent right now is deeply problematic. I don’t have academic freedom at NYU because I am a contract faculty person and I don’t have tenure. Nonetheless I tend to talk about most political, social, economic, cultural problems in the classroom. It’s a writing classroom, we’re writing essays, and a lot comes up. But we haven’t talked about Isreal and Palestine because I have watched classroom communities disolve and never repair in past conversations about Isreal and Palestine. I also don’t feel I have the tools and support to make a really intelligent conversation happen. I’m also exhausted and want to make some safe(r) spaces for my students. But maybe I just want the space to be safer for me. Maybe classrooms need to disolve and never repair.
MORE MAD. As I type this, I also think I’m copping out and not doing my job. And paradoxically, I’m tired of people who are not educators complaining about university professors who are not doing their jobs right. Like do you have any idea the amount of unresolved trauma, stress, anxiety, and suffering that comes our way every week from students? Just this week, I had conferences with students about the attempted suicide of a parent, the alcholism of a parent, being bipolar, and what it’s like to be first-generation right now, and have one of your siblings stuck in another country while you are going to one of the most expensive colleges in the universe. And we’re not even writing personal essays. So, yeah, it’s already a lot. I’m in a muddle. If you are an educator and have thoughts on my muddle or yours for that matter, please comment.
MAD. The Isreali student who hasn’t been in contact with me for twenty years, who friended me on Facebook to write me a long screed about how I am bad feminist and human because I hadn’t condemed Hamas on my Facebook page. I condemn Hamas. I want the hostages returned, but I don’t think killing almost 15,000 and counting Gazans is an apporpriate response.
MAD. All of mostly men who knew A.I. was a bad idea but made it anyway. The arrogance of this elite group of fuckwads is astounding. NOBODY ASKED FOR A.I. AND MOST OF US DON’T WANT IT UNLESS IT’S GOING TO VACUUM OR DO THE DISHES.
I’m also MAD that my dear long-time friend and excellent writer and professor, Daniel Nester lost his job because his college just up and closed this week. Please follow his substack, give him money, and read his beautiful, maddening, and saddending essay on what he loved about teaching. I love these things too, and I know writing changes students’ and all of our lives even if universities don’t think so. Dan is a way better teacher than I am, and I know this because I’ve seen him teach, and I’ve also seen how his students (both former and current) act around him. They are just very delighted, happy, smart, and funny. He also makes them feel seen, which is something he did for me a long time ago when I was a tiny baby 22-year-old in an M.F.A. program I was not at all prepared to be in. I love you Dan, and I’m sorry this is happening. AND so what if there is no monetary value in the humanities? I think there is because I know all kinds of people who have great jobs they love because they studied something they adored in the humanties, but let’s just say it’s worth nothing, nada, zilch in terms of putting money in your pocket. I don’t care. Something doesn’t have to make money to be wonderful.
Okay, I’m catching my breath now, and eating some American cheese slices.
Ofc, there’s way more I’m mad about (I’m sure you are too and please tell me below in the comments), but we need to move into the HAPPY now.
My mom isn’t talking to me anymore, and it’s heaven. Sometimes I miss her, but honestly I have been dealing with her subtle and outright manipulation my whole life and it’s a very nice, HAPPY MAKING, break. Go ahead, cut off an asshole in your family. I give you permission with my magic anti-bio family magic wand.
Where has my libido gone? I sing this to the tune of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone” by Peter, Paul, and Mary. It’s not like I haven’t read about this happening from many other people with uteruses, but I didn’t believe it was possible for moi and gosh it’s weird, and kinda nice. Not having an overactive sex drive or just Carley size libido, makes me feel kinda CALM, I MEAN HAPPY. Not being in a romantic or sexual relationship(s) leaves a lot more time for momming, friends, writing, work, cats, reading, watching TV, cooking, really anything.
My cats are getting along, kinda. We got a new kitty Marina about two months ago, and our Queen diva kitty Pippi really lost her shit, to the point of almost attacking me one night. I forgive you Pip! And then Pippi stopped eating and started gagging and hiding under the bed and we took her to the vet, and they were like she’s stressed, but don’t give up. Reader, I cried a lot because CATS ARE MY FAMILIARS. And then I spoke to an animal communicator who no joke is a genius who helps you with behavior stuff, but also tells you what you’re working on with your animals on the soul level and it was better than any recent therapy session I’ve had, and we made a lot of hard changes for almost a month. Boy, do I love a run-on sentence. It’s so breathless, break-neck, and fun. Mostly, we gave each kitty their own room (I only live in two rooms people!) with litter, food, water, and toys, and we gave them a lot of time and space and equal attention because CATS KNOW. Slowly, we started keeping the door open and now mostly they can hang out. Pip still needs introvert time (I hear you babe) and Marina needs to play mostly all of the time, and there is no cuddling or even touching aside from a daily ten minute swatting session, but hey animals and people can change given the right tools and time, and this makes me HAPPY because I did not ruin the lives of two kitties and my own by trying to be hero at the local shelter.
Friendsgiving and my friends. I have the best friends. I am so lucky. They are good to me and make me HAPPY. They see me, respect who I am, mostly find me to be delightful, and respect when I’m not. They can process shit and make space for complexity. They don’t guilt trip or manipulate me. If you’ve never had Friendsgiving, I recommend. You can cook what you want or cook nothing. Watch movies. Drink eggnog and whiskey and not worry about someone making a huge scene. Lay around. Nothing toxic happens. It’s heaven.
Amy Shearn’s new novel, Dear Edna Sloane, is coming out April 30th. I shall roast this bitch, I mean celebrate, at Lofty Pigeon bookstore for the launch on that same day, but dontcha think you should pre-order ASAP? The word “douchenozzle” is on the first page, if you need any more persuading. HAPPY BOOK LOVE. Here I am holding my ARC and some whiskey at Amy’s apartment.
Shows making me happy right now: Bodies, Kleo, Modern Family, The Great British Bake-Off, and The Guilded Age.
Last but not least, my kid and I will put up the Christmas tree today and grouch that I can be, I actually love xmas trees, ornaments, lights, and this particular holiday. We have a ritual of watching Holidate which is a mean trash rom com and then Charlie Brown Christmas, also it’s own kind of mean trash rom com.
Thanks for reading and if you got this far, I give you many many imaginary gold stars.
Please heart and re-stack and share.
Enjoy the typos.
Carley
That Dear Edna Sloan book looks fantastic! Sounds like you have a solid plan for surviving The Dread Holidays. Wishing you all the best🎄🎄🎄❤️
I agree with all of this! Also thanks for shout-out bb 😘