“Is it possible to be too reflective?” This Subby answers your question: not if you make reflection so insightful and fun while also being painfully vulnerable, the good kind of painful. The one that comes with surfacing things - ‘pain on its way out’, as my therapist likely would say. Thank you, and more please! 💜
Nearly 6 years ago I left a 10 year relationship. Once I left, I finally realized two very important things: 1) the relationship was toxic and abusive, and 2) why the hell did I stay?
I have made a great deal of progress to understand why I stayed. But I have spoken not a single word to this person nor responded to her in over 5.5 years. I blocked every avenue that I knew for her to reach me, but she still pops up using phone numbers and emails I don't recognize. I neither open, read, listen or respond to any of her attempts at contact, because I don't trust her ONE BIT.
Most of the relationship was terrible, but in 10 years, there were, of course some really good times. Part of me would love to have a moderated face-to-face with her and tell her how I felt and feel and the things I know now, but without a neutral third party moderating a conversation, I know how manipulative and gaslighting she can be. I have zero interest in that. But I still crave better closure, maybe even a moment of two of forgiveness and repair. I think that's a fantasy.
That's what your article provoked in me. I might be addicted to the possibility of repair as well.
Hi Roger, Thanks for reading and responding. Yeah, maybe you too are addicted to the possibilty of repair. Maybe it's a bisexual thing lol. I cannot advise you ofc. It's only what feels comfortable for you. I know lately that I'm trying to resist my impulse to block people who annoy me, mostly men who I have dated. It's so tempting for me to write Fuck Off and then hit the block. One of the throuple members told me that this is cowardly. I'm not sure I agree, but then I looked at my blocked list and woah it's vast. So maybe I'll block a little less for a while and see how it feels. I will also acknowledge that I block so I won't backslide into sex with someone if we don't get along and/or because I will just keep fighting sometimes and it's so stupid of me. I block and delete the number and then I can't do that again. Anywho...closure can be very nice, but people have to have the skills to do it and be reflective about themselves. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
This is so honest and vulnerable thank you for sharing. Also, I adore Couples Therapy and binge all the seasons as soon as they come out.
Thank you so much Noor! I am behind on Couples Therapy and need to finish the final season! You're reminding me!
Thanks for this one. Perfect timing.
“Is it possible to be too reflective?” This Subby answers your question: not if you make reflection so insightful and fun while also being painfully vulnerable, the good kind of painful. The one that comes with surfacing things - ‘pain on its way out’, as my therapist likely would say. Thank you, and more please! 💜
Love you Elke! Yes, I hope it’s pain on its way out!
Nearly 6 years ago I left a 10 year relationship. Once I left, I finally realized two very important things: 1) the relationship was toxic and abusive, and 2) why the hell did I stay?
I have made a great deal of progress to understand why I stayed. But I have spoken not a single word to this person nor responded to her in over 5.5 years. I blocked every avenue that I knew for her to reach me, but she still pops up using phone numbers and emails I don't recognize. I neither open, read, listen or respond to any of her attempts at contact, because I don't trust her ONE BIT.
Most of the relationship was terrible, but in 10 years, there were, of course some really good times. Part of me would love to have a moderated face-to-face with her and tell her how I felt and feel and the things I know now, but without a neutral third party moderating a conversation, I know how manipulative and gaslighting she can be. I have zero interest in that. But I still crave better closure, maybe even a moment of two of forgiveness and repair. I think that's a fantasy.
That's what your article provoked in me. I might be addicted to the possibility of repair as well.
Hi Roger, Thanks for reading and responding. Yeah, maybe you too are addicted to the possibilty of repair. Maybe it's a bisexual thing lol. I cannot advise you ofc. It's only what feels comfortable for you. I know lately that I'm trying to resist my impulse to block people who annoy me, mostly men who I have dated. It's so tempting for me to write Fuck Off and then hit the block. One of the throuple members told me that this is cowardly. I'm not sure I agree, but then I looked at my blocked list and woah it's vast. So maybe I'll block a little less for a while and see how it feels. I will also acknowledge that I block so I won't backslide into sex with someone if we don't get along and/or because I will just keep fighting sometimes and it's so stupid of me. I block and delete the number and then I can't do that again. Anywho...closure can be very nice, but people have to have the skills to do it and be reflective about themselves. Otherwise it's a waste of time.
Such a good title and such a good subby!
Thanks babe. I love you.