Hey if you read even a sentence of this, can you go down and heart it because I'm a creature in need of validation and also is anyone reading this? The hearts tell me you did or at least pretended to
I can relate. Since I had children and divorced there was a gap in my allready sparse book production. It was shocking to realize my return to poetry was met with not only disinterest but rejection. It’s out there again now - with smaller publishers, but I don’t know. It felt like a postmodern “the NO of the father” to be rejected - and I don’t want to be part of this patriarchal system anyway, BUT at the same time I DO want to be a writer and I DO indeed want publish more books! First I have to write them
Oh yeah, it does feel like the "no of the father." If I had the energy I'd make my own press and publish us all, but sadly I don't have that energy right now. Maybe one day. Also, I believe in your book!
Dear Carley, I just wanna say that every time I get an email notification from your substack I'm like damn Carley is writing all the time. And every post is necessary. Thank you. I'm traveling but when I get home I will have books of yours to read from the mail. I'm a writer who never writes! I mean I write in my journal everyday but feel nauseated when I think about working on a "project" or a "poem". Last night I dreamt that I was working on a poem -- chiseling into a block of text, making lines breaks, and thinking--oh okay I need to go back to things I've written several years ago--that's how it works! The dream made me want to try a poem today but it makes my stomach turn and my body feel weighted to the floor. Does anyone else experience this? I have a desire to desire writing. I have no desire to write. I do all the other things you mentioned instead of writing basically every day. My debut book of poems came out in May and it took 10 years to write. I don't know how it happened. Anyway, as always thanks for writing all the time and sharing it. Also, I'd never heard of laudanum but it sounds fun!
Thanks for saying all of this. Can you link to your poetry book? I want to get it! "I have a desire to desire writing," is a new favorite sentence of mine. Writing is just so hard, especially in the midst of what seems like world collapse. So in giving myself permission to write less this summer, not work on a book, etc...I think you should let yourself do this too. One reason I like the substacks is I just fire them off and I don't think about them for very long at all, and I barely edit them which makes them not very arduous, so I'm glad they speak to you and they are just mostly a pleasure for me.
Laudanum was probably lots of fun until the overdose, but hey maybe that was fun it's own weird way too. Sorry, I'm a depressive.
I have reached the “you’ve been writing your whole life and trying to publish, so it’s time to stop fucking around” stage (always a late late bloomer). I love Panpocalypse so much and can’t wait for the book of poems. And I need to get Not-wives! I am kicking around an idea for a post about books I’ve read and realize I can make it a divorce memoir triptych! 🙌🙌🙌
« Not even the desire to have an idea. » This made me laugh. I am a retired art historian. Been scribbling away and publishing my entire life. But now I don’t even have the desire to have an idea. Publishing things in book form is so incredibly difficult now. I wish you all the luck in the world!
Cheers to a guilt-free, not-writing, not-teaching summer! I hope you’re able to take stock of all those books you’ve already written that have brought me and many others so many hours of pleasure reading. I do want to know your napping alter-ego’s name, please.
Jeanne! You are so kind! Thank you! It started when my kid was a tiny napper and for some reason I started saying “Do you want to take a nappers Ms. Crebappers?” So Ms. Crebappers is who comes and takes over your body when you nap I surmise lol.
Sometimes I think writing/publishing is an extension of my existence under patriarchy—just trying to prove I’m worthy in a system that’s set up to devalue me 🙃
Thx for articulating that. And I love what you write ❤️
The system does seem set up to devalue us! Thanks for articulating that and also for being such a great person! I love what you write too, but I'd love you even if you wrote nothing.
I can relate. Since I had children and divorced there was a gap in my allready sparse book production. It was shocking to realize my return to poetry was met with not only disinterest but rejection. It’s out there again now - with smaller publishers, but I don’t know. It felt like a postmodern “the NO of the father” to be rejected - and I don’t want to be part of this patriarchal system anyway, BUT at the same time I DO want to be a writer and I DO indeed want publish more books! First I have to write them
I guess
🌸🌸🌸🌸 I read everything you write on substack!
Oh yeah, it does feel like the "no of the father." If I had the energy I'd make my own press and publish us all, but sadly I don't have that energy right now. Maybe one day. Also, I believe in your book!
And thanks for always reading and letting me know. It's hard to know what hits here.
Dear Carley, I just wanna say that every time I get an email notification from your substack I'm like damn Carley is writing all the time. And every post is necessary. Thank you. I'm traveling but when I get home I will have books of yours to read from the mail. I'm a writer who never writes! I mean I write in my journal everyday but feel nauseated when I think about working on a "project" or a "poem". Last night I dreamt that I was working on a poem -- chiseling into a block of text, making lines breaks, and thinking--oh okay I need to go back to things I've written several years ago--that's how it works! The dream made me want to try a poem today but it makes my stomach turn and my body feel weighted to the floor. Does anyone else experience this? I have a desire to desire writing. I have no desire to write. I do all the other things you mentioned instead of writing basically every day. My debut book of poems came out in May and it took 10 years to write. I don't know how it happened. Anyway, as always thanks for writing all the time and sharing it. Also, I'd never heard of laudanum but it sounds fun!
love,
alex
Hi Alex,
Thanks for saying all of this. Can you link to your poetry book? I want to get it! "I have a desire to desire writing," is a new favorite sentence of mine. Writing is just so hard, especially in the midst of what seems like world collapse. So in giving myself permission to write less this summer, not work on a book, etc...I think you should let yourself do this too. One reason I like the substacks is I just fire them off and I don't think about them for very long at all, and I barely edit them which makes them not very arduous, so I'm glad they speak to you and they are just mostly a pleasure for me.
Laudanum was probably lots of fun until the overdose, but hey maybe that was fun it's own weird way too. Sorry, I'm a depressive.
You can read the whole thing here: https://medium.com/the-shortform/what-to-do-after-spilling-your-guts-in-a-memoir-1f13ced42e07?sk=f307466169d21624edb219ce77b44c2a
Carly, Please read "What to Do After Spilling Your Guts in a Memoir" ( https://medium.com/the-shortform/what-to-do-after-spilling-your-guts-in-a-memoir-1f13ced42e07 ) I think you'll relate!
I’m not on Medium but I read the beginning and yeah I see you!
I have reached the “you’ve been writing your whole life and trying to publish, so it’s time to stop fucking around” stage (always a late late bloomer). I love Panpocalypse so much and can’t wait for the book of poems. And I need to get Not-wives! I am kicking around an idea for a post about books I’ve read and realize I can make it a divorce memoir triptych! 🙌🙌🙌
Amy! I never think of you as having been fucking around but I’m glad if something resonates! Thanks for reading and liking my books!
« Not even the desire to have an idea. » This made me laugh. I am a retired art historian. Been scribbling away and publishing my entire life. But now I don’t even have the desire to have an idea. Publishing things in book form is so incredibly difficult now. I wish you all the luck in the world!
Awww thank you Janet. Glad I made you laugh!
Omg you are the best. 💗💗💗
Maybe Ms. Crebappers will visit us in Marfa lol.
Cheers to a guilt-free, not-writing, not-teaching summer! I hope you’re able to take stock of all those books you’ve already written that have brought me and many others so many hours of pleasure reading. I do want to know your napping alter-ego’s name, please.
Jeanne! You are so kind! Thank you! It started when my kid was a tiny napper and for some reason I started saying “Do you want to take a nappers Ms. Crebappers?” So Ms. Crebappers is who comes and takes over your body when you nap I surmise lol.
Just ordered The Not Wives––excited to read it!
It’s so good!
Thank you! I hope you like it!!
You are so smart and honestly even though you know I'm the worst at relaxing I think a summer of purely existing sounds like a dream? Love you xoxoxo
Love you too my non-relaxing friend! Now go take your nappers!
Here’s to not trying to prove our worth! 👏
Sometimes I think writing/publishing is an extension of my existence under patriarchy—just trying to prove I’m worthy in a system that’s set up to devalue me 🙃
Thx for articulating that. And I love what you write ❤️
The system does seem set up to devalue us! Thanks for articulating that and also for being such a great person! I love what you write too, but I'd love you even if you wrote nothing.
I would love you if you write nothing is honestly one of the most kind things I’ve ever heard!! 🥹❤️
Thanks for all the responses everyone. It made me feel less like I'm writing into the void and more in community.